This year by-default we focused on Reality Check Mid-Journey. We say by default because that was not the original plan. In trying to source for Couples to register for our Reality Check program that usually targets newly wedded couples, we only got one couple interested but they weren’t newly weds. They had come to Chip and Chari to see how they would be helped to improve their marriage. After some discussions, Chari brokered with them the idea of a Reality check for Couples who had been married a longer, since several couples in the past had begun asking for such a program. This couple loved the idea and suggested they share this with other couples in their group of friends. We thus ended up having couples who had been married for 10 – 15 years and were in their mid-life. We coined the term REALITY CHECK MID-JOURNEY for this group.
The Reality Check Mid Journey group doing an experiential activity
The first challenge was to gather enough quorum for the class which, with the help of the interested couple we managed to get about 11 couples interested. The next challenge was to come up with materials for this group as we had not worked with this age group before. So we tweaked some of the REALITY-CHECK for newly Weds notes and came up with new notes on topics that interests this group. We dealt with topics like communication and conflict, expectations, values and personalities in marriage for couples who have lived together for a while. We also introduced new topics like the Mid-Life crisis; balancing work, career and parenting; plus preparing for retirement, along with budgeting and investments in finances. We had a session on parenting teenagers which we had to adjust a bit as all the couples had children below 12 years. We adapted it to preparing for raising teens.
Grace Achoki leading a couples activity during one of the seminars
We began with 12 couples but only 9 finished the course with 6 of them attending all the classes. It was a very interesting group, engaging, and very vulnerable as they knew each other well prior to attending the class. But even so, they confessed that they got to know each other better in the course of their journey together. They enjoyed it so much that they suggested having a sleepover for their final class next year in January. As facilitators we enjoyed taking them through this journey and also involved other couples who had been trained in our previous Marriage Ministry Training in 2024.
Feedback from participants
A debrief session led by Barnabas and Grace Achoki
Positive Feedback / What Worked Well
1. End of intimacy sessions should include a night out.
2. Gratitude for the tools learned and reminders of things that had been forgotten.
3. Encouragement gained from seeing other couples working to improve their marriages—a reminder that no one is working alone.
4. Breaking down the intimacy aspect helped identify which areas are missing.
5. Added value to marriages.
6. Appreciation for the facilitative, discussion-based mode rather than lecture-style teaching.
7. Encouragement to invite other couples to join the journey toward restoring marriages.
8. One of the greatest feedbacks was about this couple who had decided to separate, but when they came for the second session where we were talking about communication, when we encouraged the couples to go and have their couple sessions using the tools we gave, they were able to resolve their issues. That marriage was saved as a result of this.
Suggestions / Areas for Improvement
1. Have a social meeting during the month (in between sessions).
2. Communication needs more focus / more depth, maybe two full days.
3. Have a dedicated talk/session on spiritual intimacy alone.
4. Include a session purely on parenting.
5. Limit to one clear topic per day.
6. Roles and expectations did not get enough time.
7. Providing the material earlier would be helpful, but it can be hard to follow who has read and who hasn’t (suggest simplifying or guiding through it).
All in all, it was an adventure and great discoveries made not just by the couples but by even the facilitators themselves. With this initial experience and feedback we plan to work on and improve the REALITY CHECK MID-JOURNEY and make it one of the programs we offer regularly, even as we explore starting a REALITY CHECK EMPTY NESTERS journey.
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